Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Rip your own head off then kick the other guy in half

So we’re getting into the heat of summer, making it especially difficult to get the important stuff done on the really hot days. That doesn’t mean you should stop though, so even its like a hundred degrees and you cant go outside to properly practice martial arts by punching boulders in half, you still need to practice, how else will you learn to properly defend yourself generic vagrants in unarmed combat?.
"I need to learn how to punch REALLY fast"
What I have for you today will help you do just that, its an odd fighting called Toribash, a game where horrible crash test dummy looking people beat the crap out of each other. You know you want this, that you need this in your life.

What makes Toribash special is that it’s a nontraditional fighting game where you put together your own moves one muscle movement at a time, also utilizing gravity and physics so you have to keep your characters balance in mind otherwise your crash test dummy will fall over and then get kicked about the face and neck. Its kind of weird at the start but once you get used to it you can pull off some really crazy stuff.
Maybe not this crazy, but you can get pretty close
Toribash has both single player AND multiplayer, along with a community that’s still going despite the game being released years ago. If you like beating things up and ripping or kicking body parts off of things but don’t want any jail time, or maybe if you just like fighting games Toribash might be for you.
Practicing with video games and watching movies will only bring you so far
Those post apocalyptic banditos will know not to mess with you once you start punching through people and doing crazy jump kicks!

You can get Troibash at http://toribash.com/

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I want to be the free video game

What I have for you today is more than a game. it’s a computer program meant to break you, to shatter your mind and turn you into a hollow being fueled only by rage and anguish, flinging your own crap everywhere like a chimpanzee with syphilis. I MAY be exaggerating however. That game is “I Wanna Be The Guy: The Movie: The Game”.
See that face? That face says "ADVENTURE!"
It’s a platforming game built from the ground up to be absurdity difficult while referencing old classic games such as Megaman and Castlevania. The “plot” of the game, such as it is, is that you, The Kid, are going to confront The Guy, so what you may become The Guy just like Grandfather The Guy before you. Of course it doesn’t really matter, the game is really about you running through this death trap gauntlet and fighting several bosses that are all taken from one (or more) game or another.
Screen one: can you see what will try to kill you in this picture? It only gets worse from here
There isn’t much to say beyond that. If you feel guilty about something and feel the need to suffer for it, or you’re a masochist, or maybe you just like hard platformers, then IWTBTG might just be what your looking for. There are a lot of indie platformers out there that were just slapped together, but IWTBTG isn’t one of them, this game had some serious effort put into it to make it better than some flash game. Between the one hit kills and the save points being few and far in-between you certainly wont beat it in one setting unless you’re a clairvoyant psychic (and even then I’d doubt it).
Try using that power for something useful, like winning the lottery
Between the actual game and all its nonsense, the multiple difficulties, and the boss rush mode, I’d say IWTBTG is worth the download. Its certainly one way to test your sanity, but I wouldn’t put it on the flash drive of games you’ll bring into your bomb shelter with you, because if you beat it then, who will you brag to? The mutants outside? They wont care.

Not pictured: a computer or other people to brag to
You can get IWTBTG over at http://kayin.pyoko.org/iwbtg/downloads.php So go play it.

Note the other game made in the style of lemmings, the creator isnt working on that anymore but it might be worth a look if you're curious.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Its like NASCAR but you turn both left AND right

Do you want to go fast but don’t want to play a sci-fi FPS? I can help you with that. Today I’ve got a racing game for you that has some crazy god damn tracks in it. That game is Trackmania: Nations Forever.
Pedal to the metal
Featuring both a multiplayer mode (with the neat bonus of displaying what country the other racers are from, so you can lament and rage whenever you are beaten by someone from a country you particularly hate) and a solo mode, the game offers a completely absurd amount of courses to race around in that get progressively more insane.

And that’s before you even get into the potential of player designed courses. That’s when things get really crazy. When you shift past the “38 loops in a row” type courses that exist in every game that has a level editor, theres some good stuff in there. Like the “hold forward” maps where the course as been made in such a way where you don’t need to worry about turning and you can just watch the show of your car making absurd jumps and loops.

The game can easily be enjoyed in solo mode if you like racing games, but like with anything, its better with friends. Its possible to set up your own dedicated server for your friends to pile into and play together, preferably while yelling angrily at each other over who’s the best, like real friends should.
YOU THINK YOU'RE FAST? FUCK YOU I'M THE FASTEST! Lets do this again next week
However, since a good part of the game relies on multiplayer/user created maps, its not a good idea to install it on that computer you have in your underground survival bunker, unless you plan on having enough computers and people in there for a full on Lan Party. If you DON’T have a survival bunker you can use the game to learn the driving skills you will need the in wastelands.
If you think Trackmania is for you, than you can grab it here
or on Steam if you feel like it

Friday, June 1, 2012

You wish you could punch robots

Continuing the Konjak conflagration today we’ve got a bunch of good stuff, I really should have put it all in one big post rather than try to break it up, oh well. Up first is an action beat em up called Noitu Love.
With 8-bit sounds all over the place
Noitu Love is jam packed with side scrolling fighting, from the start of the game you’re punching the crap out of robots until they explode. Not only that, it has some crazy boss fights as well. Featuring several levels, and a weird plot (involving monkeys?), if you like action and want some free fun, you should give Noitu Love a look. It was good enough that Konjak made a sequel that wasn’t free.

Up next is a puzzle game called Tripwire. A fairly simple puzzle game with thirty levels, where the goal is to draw a line through all of the shapes in the grid, going through them in groups of three. If you like puzzles or brain teasers then its worth a download, if only for a quick time waster.
Cant be any harder than this
Up next we got another side scroller arcade style game called Chalk. In Chalk you use chalk (WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT?) to remove obstacles and destroy enemies. Also featuring multiple levels, a ranking system, and boss fights, Chalk should have atleast a couple of hours of game play for you if you can get into it. Not sure? Have a video of the first level.

Aside from those games, and Legend of Princess, Konjak’s site does have multiple unfinished and abandoned projects to pick through. Such as Iconoclasts and Ivory Springs (which is an earlier version of Iconoclasts), and Mina of the Pirates (Konjak’s first big project). Theres also the music from the games available as separate downloads on the site as well, if you’re into that.
Picture: a maker of video games
Konjak has his own style when it comes to making games, and if you come to like it you should like all of his projects, to some extent.

All of these games are available at http://www.konjak.org/
So go nuts.