Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Its like Groundhog Day, but in space

Hey guess what, I'm not actually dead. Surprising I know. On other blogs you'd get some kind of excuse, or bitching about how "Life has been kinda rough you guys", but that's for people who give a shit about that sappy stuff, so lets get right to the video games.
 Have you ever wanted to be an astronaut? Rhetorical question: I already know the answer is yes, everyone does at one point in life. Deal is most of you didn't make the cut because you weren't a genius (You need more than a pioneering spirit to go to space) or you were discouraged because you found out that when your spacesuit fails you get turned inside out, then you probably fall apart, then whats left freezes if it's caught in the shadow of a space station/Earth/a satellite or it cooks if it's exposed to the sun. So yeah, Space is hardcore.
It's metal as hell
But with the magic of VIDEO GAMES you, YES YOU, can still at least pretend to be an astronaut. Which brings us to our game today: Outer Wilds, a game about space exploration, a time loop, and the end of the universe.

The deal with Outerwilds is that you have twenty minutes to explore the solar system, using a space ship and probes, poking around to see all the cool stuff in it, and trying to solve mysteries, like a cosmic Scooby Doo cartoon. With multiple planets to check out, and "Quantum moons" there's plenty to see, and you're going to need to take multiple loops to see everything and figure out whats the deal with the time loop. You need to keep how much fuel and oxygen you have in mind, and you need to know how to actually fly you spaceship, so you need to actually know what you're doing (Like a real astronaut!)
There's a reason they put these guys through an endless ringer of simulators
If any of this that interests you, or maybe you like the idea of space banjos (See trailer) then there's something you should know. Outer Wilds was built around using an XBox controller. You can switch up the inputs so they'd work with a keyboard, but it's going to be clunky. If that doesnt disuade you, then dive right on in.
You cant let a lack of competence, or technical know-how stop you
You can snag Outer Wilds here on PC, Mac, and Linux

Monday, March 10, 2014

I dont know what to title this one

Hey, got THREE games for you today, so STRAP IN. Firstly, do you remember FLAPPY BIRD? That stupid phone game that used assets stolen from Super Mario? Bought by so many people the guy who made it can probably retire? Made by that guy who had a nervous breakdown or something over Twitter and then took the game off the market? Yeah, that game, what if I told you there were free versions of that game all over the internet? "Fly thing between, over, and around obstacles and not crash" isn't exactly a new concept. So if you were actually considering spending cash to get it before it was taken off the market, and you feel like you missed out on something 1) I feel sorry for you, 2) Don't worry I got a couple different options for you 3) Whyyyyyyyy.
"It's totally the new Dark Souls you guys!"
Lets move on to something else. Metroidvania's are nice, so lets break out one of those. Lets see what the guy who made it himself, Derek Yu, has to say about Eternal Daughter, the third game for you today.
"Eternal Daughter is an epic platform game that took myself and my friend Jon two years to make and nearly destroyed our immortal souls. It's an homage to some of our favorite games from our preteen years, like Super Metroid and Castlevania: SOTN.
Even though the gameplay is familiar, the world, the characters, and the story are all our own. The game also marks my first teaming up with Swedish music virtuoso, David Saulesco, who produced an original soundtrack for the game. We've been happy together ever since."
YOU READ THAT? All original art, all original music. Two years of effort to make. You cant expect that some everyone, because. SOME. PEOPLE. Can't handle it. You should know what a Metroidvania is at this point, and if you dont well just grab this and find out!
It's got boss fights, making this more like dark souls than flappy bird
You can snag Eternal Daughter here (at the bottom), and you can try a free, weird multiplayer version of Flappy Bird here, and you can find one of the games Flappy Bird rips off here

Wednesday, February 26, 2014


"Hey man where have you be-"
"Fine, stop yelling, God"
The game today? Renegade X. TIME FOR BACKSTORY. Way back in 2002, February 26th to be specific, Westwood Studios, spurned on by their slave masters at EA games released Command and Conquer: Renegade, a first person shooter, and the only C&C game that's played from the first person perspective (so far, lets hope EA doesn't get any ideas). What was the best part of C&C: Renegade was the multiplayer. "Command and Conquer mode" pitted a GDI team and a Brotherhood of Nod team against each other in a hybrid of FPS/RTS combat. Both sides had unique weaponry, from the RTS games, and each had their respective SUPERWEAPON which in some cases they could use to win a match instantly if they could pull it off.
Big difference ten years makes
 Then, in 2006, the team that would put together the updated remake Renegade X was assembled. Going by the name Totem Arts, they've put together Renegade X over years of work, and they've clearly put a lot of love and effort into this. But what IS Renegade X exactly? Lets see what the developers themselves have to say!
"Renegade X is a free Tactical Shooter that aims to brings the Command and Conquer FPS experience to the Unreal Engine 3. Players will be able to join up to 64-players and fight for two unique teams - the Global Defense Initiative (GDI), a UN international military force committed to world order and peacekeeping, and the Brotherhood of Nod, a messianic international terrorist network that aims to push humanity into the next stage of human evolution."
64 PLAYER MATCHES. 32 on 32 multiplayer! With team specific weapons and vehicles! There are fully priced games made by AAA publishers and development studios with multimillion dollar budgets coming out today that couldn't pull that off if their lives depended on it! AND THIS IS FOR FREE. Lets take a closer look at the game using this tutorial video with a voice over by someone who sounds like they're on Valium.

Base defense, resource management, multiple maps, side specific vehicles and weapons, multiple infantry classes. ALL FOR FREE? YES. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN WAITING FOR? GET OUT THERE SOLDIER THAT WAR WONT WIN ITSELF!

You can get Renegade X from here, SO GET TO IT

Monday, February 10, 2014


You know what people should do more often? Have ADVENTURES. Seriously, there should be a surgeon general recommendation for one adventure per year. They keep you from being sedentary and getting fat, because you're too busy running away from rolling boulder traps and climbing up cliffs. Unfortunately most people either don't, or just can't get that adventure in, too busy with jobs or whatever to go spelunking or exploring. Today, I got a game that might fire up that ADVENTURE ENGINE everyone has inside them, and it's called Treasure Adventure Game.
They tell you everything the game has right in the title
At first, you take a look at Treasure Adventure Game and you think "Oh great, another 8-BIT INDIE PLATFORMER" and then you roll your eyes. But this isn't the case! TAG actually has quite a lot to it aside from platforms to jump on. Multiple dungeons to delve, treasures to find, islands to explore, and a whole ocean to sail. TAG has hours worth of content for you to play around with, an impressive feat for a studio (Robit Studios) that's basically one guy, Steven Orlando. It even won an award for "Best Indie Game" back in 2011.
Styx didn't do the soundtrack but they totally could have
Among TAG's neater features are a day night cycle, and NPCs that have their own schedules based around that cycle, a full soundtrack by a dude named Robert Ellis, an upgradeable boat, and boss fights! This game is a complete labor of love, and it shows. There have even been fan translations of it in Dutch, Polish, Brazlian Portuguese, Castilian Spanish, French, German, and Chinese.
Movie adaptation in the works
If any of this is drawing you in, or you just want something to play between ADVENTURES, then Treasure Adventure Game is for you, and you can snag it, and the translations here

Monday, February 3, 2014

What the hell is a Boshy anyway?

You know what this site has had enough of? Platformers that actively hate the the guts of the people playing them. Think back to I Want To Be The Guy, now we got I Want To The Boshy, something just as bizarre and frustrating. Come on, you know you want it, don't fight it.
"I don't really NEED it..."
IWTBTB has the same mechanics as IWTBTG (jumping, shooting, self destruct button (???)), with new stuff added, not the least of which is character selection and CUSTOM CHARACTER SUPPORT. It's all entirely cosmetic of course but still, CUSTOM CHARACTERS! You could make one of your cat or dog and no one could stop you!
Or you could go to darker, stranger places...
IWTBTB was created by Soulgryn back in 2010, and they also made a bunch of other games over the years and I'll probably get to them eventually. You can check out Soulgryn's website here, and download IWTBTB here

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Not a teenager, a mutant, or a turtle

You know whats cool? Ninjas. Sneaky assassins, soldiers of the night, even if you notice that there's one right behind you it's too late, you're already dead. Being masters of disguise, anyone could be a ninja. The guy who works the register at the stores you shop at? Ninja. Your doctor? Ninja. That teacher you hated? Ninja. That guy you know who's obsessed with everything and anything related vaguely to Japan? Not a ninja, and we can all be thankful for that. The chair you're sitting on right now? Possibly a ninja. And if you want, EVEN YOU.
Today I've got a simple but addicting flash game called DOJO OF DEATH, by a dude who goes by nicotuason over on Kongregate. Play a ninja and kill as many other ninjas as you possibly can before you are cut down yourself. Which sounds like a typical ninja afternoon to be honest. Fight sword ninjas! Fight axe ninjas! Fight bow ninjas! FIGHT EVERYONE.
You can only see them because they WANT to be seen
If any of that sounds good to you, or you're just trying to kill some time, or you want to train yourself in the ninja ways so you can also rest easy knowing that are prepared to FIGHT EVERYONE then check out Dojo of Death here

Friday, January 24, 2014

"Lets get naked and take a swim in the lake!"

Oh man its Adventure time! No not the cartoon with the stretchy dog, I'm talking about an actually adventure game. It's called Fable.
No, not this Fable
 In Fable you play as a dude named Quickthorpe, and you need to go find magic gems. Made back in 1996 and developed by a team called Simbiosis Interactive, Fable follows the old formula of adventure games, IE there's plenty of humor and numerous ways to die.
It's going
 Its hard to talk about adventure games without giving things away, but if you've played a point and click adventure game before you should know what to expect. If you're a fan of adventure games in general, like games with humor, or you're trying to learn weird and unexpected ways of getting out of sticky situations then Fable might be what you're looking for.
"An ice covered lake in an adventure game? I'm sure it'll be completely safe"
You can snag Fable here