Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Not a teenager, a mutant, or a turtle

You know whats cool? Ninjas. Sneaky assassins, soldiers of the night, even if you notice that there's one right behind you it's too late, you're already dead. Being masters of disguise, anyone could be a ninja. The guy who works the register at the stores you shop at? Ninja. Your doctor? Ninja. That teacher you hated? Ninja. That guy you know who's obsessed with everything and anything related vaguely to Japan? Not a ninja, and we can all be thankful for that. The chair you're sitting on right now? Possibly a ninja. And if you want, EVEN YOU.
Today I've got a simple but addicting flash game called DOJO OF DEATH, by a dude who goes by nicotuason over on Kongregate. Play a ninja and kill as many other ninjas as you possibly can before you are cut down yourself. Which sounds like a typical ninja afternoon to be honest. Fight sword ninjas! Fight axe ninjas! Fight bow ninjas! FIGHT EVERYONE.
You can only see them because they WANT to be seen
If any of that sounds good to you, or you're just trying to kill some time, or you want to train yourself in the ninja ways so you can also rest easy knowing that are prepared to FIGHT EVERYONE then check out Dojo of Death here

Friday, January 24, 2014

"Lets get naked and take a swim in the lake!"

Oh man its Adventure time! No not the cartoon with the stretchy dog, I'm talking about an actually adventure game. It's called Fable.
No, not this Fable
 In Fable you play as a dude named Quickthorpe, and you need to go find magic gems. Made back in 1996 and developed by a team called Simbiosis Interactive, Fable follows the old formula of adventure games, IE there's plenty of humor and numerous ways to die.
It's going
 Its hard to talk about adventure games without giving things away, but if you've played a point and click adventure game before you should know what to expect. If you're a fan of adventure games in general, like games with humor, or you're trying to learn weird and unexpected ways of getting out of sticky situations then Fable might be what you're looking for.
"An ice covered lake in an adventure game? I'm sure it'll be completely safe"
You can snag Fable here

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Watch out for Minotaurs

QUICK: You've been trapped inside a maze by angry spirits/mad scientists/alien scientists/drunken frat boys and you need to find your way out! What do you know about getting out of mazes? Not much? Good thing I got something today to help you out with that.
Few things are worse than finding a skeleton in a maze
The game today is called ZETAMAZE, and its in the weird space where I'm not sure it counts as a game or not, but I'm bored so it's going on up anyway and you can stop me. ZetaMaze is the latest project from some computer guy named Brannon Doresy. There are three parts to this maze game: Make, Draw, and Play.
Hard mode maze
The "Make" part of the game is when you literally make a maze for someone to run through. You can be a scumbag and make a maze that's barely euclidean and is an absolute nightmare to navigate, or you could be boring and make a straight line, or anything in between! The "Draw" part of the game is you making drawings to put on the walls of the maze. Land scapes, brick walls, sage words of advice, penises, you can put anything up there! The "Play" part of the game is where you obviously run the mazes other people have made, combining the strange art and the weird maze designs to make a strange trippy labyrinth to wander through.HOWEVER

Part of the game is that when you wander through the maze you pick up files that others have uploaded into the game. Obviously you should be able to see why this idea, while coming from the right place, is completely retarded. I mean, who trusts the internet at all? You shouldn't even trust me. Thankfully there is an option, when the maze is loading, to opt out from this feature entirely, dodging that horrible porn shaped bullet.
Even weird muppets would be better than horrible porn
If any of this nonsense appeals to you, you can try out ZETAMAZE right from the browser, here

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Yeah thats right, I use the "e" with the little mark above it, because I care about ACCURACY

So I got something thats probably going to have cease and desist letters thrown at it from every direction any minute now so I gotta move fast if I want to talk about this. Hey, hey you.
 Yeah you. Do you like...Pokémon?
 Good. Time for pocket monsters then. What I got for you today is Pokémon SHOWDOWN (which is still in beta). The main site says that "Pokémon Showdown is a Pokémon battle simulator. Play Pokémon battles online! Play with randomly generated teams, or build your own! Fully animated!" That's right. Most of the Pokémon that currently exist, which is probably in the thousands by now (remember when there was 151? way to fix what wasn't broken Nintendo), along with all the new mechanics that have been added, with online play, from your computer, no 3DS needed.
I know for SOME of you this is exactly what you've been waiting for
With multiple servers up, there are plenty of players to challenge, so build your team and jump right in. The game is in beta still so obviously there will be kinks still in the system to be worked out and Pokémon that haven't been added yet, so keep that in mind.
So when your entire team turns inside out, don't get too mad
If you like Pokémon at all, then obviously this is for you. You can jump into Pokémon SHOWDOWN beta from the browser, or download it right here, so go build a team of six magikarp and tear shit up before the lawyers ruin the party.