I have no idea whats going on and neither will you

The Mayan day of reckoning, December 21st edges ever closer, gotta get more video games up here before time runs out! What I got for you today is so strange, so odd, so far out there that I need to put up a warning first before I start talking about it. The game for this week is Middens, and I cannot recommend it if you have a poor mental constitution, are prone to nightmares, or are easily over stimulated, because this game really doesn't screw around.

This game might cause mental illness, we don't know

Middens jumps right on the crazy train right at the start and never lets up. Even the title screen is strange, what with the earth being in the middle of getting a new piercing in the background. All aspects of the game art ooze surreal weirdness, from the strange shifting sprites to the backgrounds where freaky beings roam just out of reach.

Why yes, that gun does have a face

The sound work in this is top notch, the sound sometimes being actual music, others just ambient background noise. It is dissonant, disturbing, delightful, and probably other describing words that start with "D" that I cant remember, the point is: its awesome.

The protagonist looks pretty slick in this

Gameplay wise, at the surface Middens seems like a "regular" RPG, or at least as close to regular as anything gets in this game. But thats not the case: in every battle you start off alone and you muse summon aspects of your mind, body, and soul to fight alongside you. Middens is structured around freeroam exploration, you are given the vaguest hint of a plot and then set loose upon a strange ever shifting landscape. Getting lost is part of the game, and part of the fun if you ask me: wandering around seeing new things is great, especially when you pass through an area you've been before and you discover new stuff. Though it might seem like its trying pretentious, it doesn't seem that way to me, rather that it's just trying new things.

How do i get back to the bus from here?

If you like turn based RPGs, open world exploration, weird music, or really screwed up art, then Middens might be for you. It might even prepare you for the aftermath of the Mayan apocalypse (that is if whats left of the world is a shattered and twisted landscape filled with broken souls, otherwise it wont help). Again, I cannot recomend this if you dont have the mental fortitude. If you play this then only have the drab concrete walls of your bunker to look while angry mutants claw at the doors you might lose it if you cant handle it.

An open window? Dont be crazy, they'll throw spears at you through there! Get some bullet proof glass

You can get Middens here

Skeletons, whales, and cats

Time for video games! Also an important public service announcement, but first video games. Today I got something really short. Like, two minutes if you rush short. So much so I concidered not putting it up on here, but if I did the weird werewolf music video game I can do this one too. It's called Dear Esteban, and yes, it's basically a big riff off of Dear Esther.

Look at that cursive "Begin" button, so sophisticated

Made back in November as a part of "Fuck This Jam", which is about making games for genres you dislike, rather than smashing jars of jellied fruit preserves, the developers have said that they actually like Dear Esther, and that, in their own words: "We love Dear Esther. Dear Esteban was made in good fun & parody. Dear Esteban is not so much 'Fuck This'. It's more a love letter to Dear Esther from the weird kid who doesn't have a shot but you kind of feel bad for." So if you liked Dear Esther, or like weird surreal stuff, then Dear Esteban might be your thing, and even if it isn't its not like it will take up much of your time to try it.

Doesn't any melting clocks though

You can get Dear Esteban here, and with that said and done its time for our the really important part of this post, the public service announcement.

"Buy canned food and shotguns!"

December twenty first is rapidly approaching, are you prepared? If you already have a bunker stocked with food, water, a generator, and a computer filled with video games, then you're ready. If not you really need to get on that, because how else will you deal with the waves of flaming Mayan skeleton warriors looking to use your torso as a pin cushion and your skin as a decorative throw rug?

Seems appealing, but its Walmart so you know those boxes are filled the to brim with Chinese lead

I mean sure, some of you might be looking to preserve things like "art" and "literature", but that's boring. Have some common sense and snag a flash drive and fill it with games so future generations can know the joys of games of the video variety.

Look at this guy, why don't you have a place like this?

 I mean obviously not everyone is going to escape from the mutants, fallout, and angry skeletons but you should at least put some effort into it.

The guy you control doesnt seem to care that he's trapped in a black and white void

Ok, so. That last game was really out there, lets try to reel things back in, we cant have too many crazy games close together, sets a disturbing trend. So lets dial things back a bit with another platformer, its the elevator music to Space Funeral's two hours long orchestra that was written while on crack. The game today is Vertigo. The reason I'm not giving Vertigo crap over being an INDIE PLATFORMER is because it isn't just a platformer, its also a puzzle game.

You have fun with that

 Vertigo's gimmick is screen wrapping. You know what that is right? Its when you go off one side of the screen and pop up on the other side. Vertigo takes that and just goes completely insane with it. Screen wrapping up and down, left and right, switching between them, switching gravity, going upside down and walking on the walls.

Kind of like this, but without Nolan

The game's simple black and white art doesn't make the obstacles difficult to see while "feeling" fun, if that makes any sense. The music is similarly cheery. Gameplay and platforming itself is simple though, with only two buttons, Z to jump and X to shoot, whats actually difficult are the puzzles, with locked doors, and switches to make you gnash your teeth and pull your hair out. OR you're really good at puzzles and you'll blow through this in little over an hour. If you like platformers, or puzzle games, then Vertigo might be for you.

Not these kinds of puzzles though

You can snag Vertigo for Windows, Mac and Linux with windowed mode versions here

"Philip is okay with this"

Today I got...well, something for you, certainly. Its like an RPG maker engine took a few dozen blotters of acid and went to an Independent Film Festival where they were playing nothing but depressing movies all night, and then maybe hung out at an Emergency Room until the trip wore off. Its a weird game, is what I'm try to get at here.

BLOOD

This game is called Space Funeral, and while there are some coffins, the game takes place neither at a funeral, or in space. The weird name is only the tip of the iceberg, the whole game is screwy from top to bottom. The art and game sprites are like something someone committed to a mental hospital drew, and the walking and fighting animations for the protagonist are either the best or worst ever.

Meet the protagonist

The actual RPG game play is still turn based, so they didn't mess with the basics, but that doesn't mean its completely normal. Not even getting into the strange enemies you fight during the game, there area number of odd status effects such as "Distracted" or "Moral", and there's even a special move you can do once per battle that has a chance to do anything!

ANYTHING

Space Funeral's soundtrack is top notch and frankly one of the best parts of the game. Using strange and disjointed music cranks up the weird factor even more. Using that kind of music rather than chip tune tracks (Not that there's anything wrong with chip tunes) that are all credited at the end of the game makes it that much better, so if you think that battle theme is pretty catchy you can look up the song and the artist later!

This is just the start, it only gets worse

If you like weird surreal stuff, turn based RPGs, neat music, or any combination there of, then you should give Space Funeral a shot. Its only a couple of hours, but it certainly leaves an impression.

Most likely this kind of impression

You can sang Space Funeral here

I Wanna Be The Sequel

Another short post because of another "short" game. Do you remember the game "I WANNA BE THE GUY"? The one that's made people all over Youtube tear their hair out and turned a few of them into soulless husks? That game has a sequel now, and it is just as good at breaking people's spirits as the first was.

"Can I REALLY be the Guy?"

The game is called: I Wanna Be The Guy: Gaiden, the first act of it was released in the summer of 2012. What makes this different from the original was the change to stage based gameplay (including an overworld filled with traps) and the biggest change: the addition of the swinging mechanic from Bionic Commando. Thats what keeps IWBTGG from being just more of the same platforming from the original game.

Still the same Kid from before

There is only one act so far, with three stages, each with its own boss, there may be more acts released in the future but Kayin wants to complete another game he's working on so it might be a while before that. Besides, there may be only three stages but its not like you'll be able to beat any of them.

"Can ANYONE really be the Guy?"

You can get IWBTGG here, and you can watch the play-through of the special EVO edition here

BEHIND YOU

Today I got another weird game for you, a game with a cheering facade that dives in deeper, darker territory that you'd think at first glance. This game is Eversion, and JESUS CHRIST WATCH OUT ITS AN ~~**RETRO INDIE PLATFORMER**~~ TAKE COVER EVERBODY BECAUSE WE'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.

Its beautiful and terrible at the same time!

In all seriousness, before you cry foul and try to burn down the website, hear me out. The problem with most of these indie platformers is that they come across as pretentious. I personally don't think thats the case here, I think Eversion is more weird than anything else. Released way back in December of 2008, Eversion is clearly made as a throwback to old platforming classics, the goal of each level being to move right to the end and get the gems, gimmick this time around being the ability to "evert" between dimensions to get around obstacles. Sounds simple right?

Just what the hell do you play as, anyway?

The game gets progressively creepier as time goes on, so much so that theres a warning on the website saying outright that the game isnt meant for children or people who get nervous eventually. Which is garbage of course, kids need to get toughed up eventually, and nervous people need to get exposed to as much nerve wracking stuff as possible, because if they don't how will they survive in the aftermath of the Mayan Apocalypse?

When the skeletons of your distant ancestors come to take you away you need to have your bat ready to swing

 If you like platforming, lovecraftian stuff, gem collecting, and meta spooky stuff, then Eversion might be for you. If you are a child or are a person of a nervous disposition, then you really need to jump on this so you can lighten up, Francis.

See? Its harmless

You can get Eversion here, theres a HD version on Steam but thats not free so who cares.

Does this count as a musical?

Ok, so. The SPOOKATHON is over so no more spooky scary games for a while, lets have a moment of silence in respect for Halloween, and to mentally prepare ourselves for the coming onslaught of Christmas music blaring from every store and generic "Holiday" ads. God Help us all.

There will be no escape

...You done? Ok good. Today I got something that should act as a stepping stone from the SPOOKATHON back to "normal" games. This update's gonna be short, because the game itself is short, just over three minutes in fact, if you dont screw up that is, and I don't want to spoil anything about it. This game is called
 KEYBOARD DRUMSET FUCKING WEREWOLF

Look at that box art. LOOK AT IT.

This game plays like a supercharged cocaine fueled fever dream. Kinda like how I would imagine transforming into a pinkish purple werewolf would be like, all of normal sensibilities forced aside while your brain goes into sensory overload and voices in your head tell you to go on a rampage. This game was made by that Cactus guy back in October of 2011, so you know you're in for it. If any of that sounds appealing to you, hold onto your ass and go download it. I wouldn't recommend putting it on the computer in your end of the world bunker, game's too short for any lasting post apocalyptic entertainment.

Furries and Twilight mean no more real werewolf movies. We live in dark times

You can get both the windows version and the mac version here